The recovery jigsaw

I have a personalised 10,000 piece jigsaw.
Everyday without it my body attacks
Throwing fireballs into my legs
and lava into my lungs.
An army thuds the walls of my head
and a mountain is stuck in my throat.
The wolf in my stomach growls and bites
My insides hurt.
Whenever I stand mist covers my eyes
My balance is taken, I drop to the ground.
I need help.

but nobody comes, no answer is given.
Just a 10,000 piece jigsaw all in my head.
My happiness depends on the completion.
The problem is, all the pieces are missing.
They could be anywhere in the world
from beside my bed to Australia
I don't know- they may even be on Mars.
When I find a piece I can't always tell if it fits into my jigsaw..
as the linking piece might still be missing.
So I blindly search for pieces in every corner of the world
Hoping to come across one.
I try to add it to my jigsaw, hoping it will make the picture clearer.
I search again, but some of the pieces are so far
I can't go
I'm too sick.
How can I get there if I can't even walk.

Some of the pieces contradict each other.
How do I subtract when this piece says to add
It doesn't make sense
I feel lost

I don't even know if I can find every piece
What if ones 10 feet under the sea
and ones away up on Mars.
I don't even know if it's possible.
I keep going but I'm worried.

There's nothing else to do
this jigsaw is all I have.
To complete it would be everything
It would be the end of all evil
The end of pain
the end to this cruel journey

and it would be the start of a new jigsaw
One full of hope and dreams
Smiles and laughter
The jigsaw of life that I so desperately seek.