Did you know how some Doctors judge our every move?
We can't slouch on a chair because they will notice and assume we are lazy.
We can't be a little bit quiet as they will take it as not caring.
We can't cry in an appointment or we have depression and that's what's causing our symptoms.
We can't get anxious trying to describe our symptoms or they are just anxiety.
We can't act positive or we are coping fine, so it isn't that bad.
We can't use a wheelchair because that is "alarming" and will make us deconditioned.
We can't stay in bed or at home or we aren't trying to push ourselves.
But we can't push ourselves and manage because that means we aren't as sick as we say we are.
We can't find conditions to explain our symptoms, or we are finding conditions and making up symptoms to fit.
We can't manage an exercise program or we aren't that sick
We can't not manage one or we aren't trying hard enough.
Why do doctors not believe us? Why do they make assumptions instead of asking?
This doesn't help. You don't know me.
You don't know that I commit to helping my body every single day by eating well, sleeping well, trying to exercise, to get fresh air, to get nutrients into my body.
You don't know how hard I try to keep a positive mindset, to put myself before everything so one day I can hopefully be the picture of health.
You don't see me on the days I can't move my head without balling my eyes out because it hurts so much.
You don't feel how my bones hurt while typing this.
You can't see through my blurry eyes.
You can't feel the gravity pulling me down.
You don't see me sleeping on the sofa.
You can't hear me cry when all of my symptoms are too much.
You don't see me running to the toilet thinking I'm about to be sick
You can't see me gagging whilst trying to eat and drink.
You have never seen me too exhausted to talk
You haven't watched me when my vision and hearing goes and I dive to the ground fearfully.
How can you judge me?
You don't see me almost killing myself trying to push through the symptoms then crashing so hard I can't move from the house for months.
Why are you telling me to do this?
You don't see me when I try to be with my friends and afterwards my boyfriend has to undress me because I literally don't have the energy to move one arm.
You haven't seen me burst into tears while trying to brush my hair or how I break down in the shower.
You don't see all the money leaving my bank account for all things to do with recovery - My recovery programme, my nutrient products, my protein shakes, my healthy eating recipe books, my acupuncture, my massages, my compression stockings, my bandages and supports, my reclined exercise bike, intolerance testing, the list goes on and on...
You don't see how my mind is running around trying to find relief.