Chronic illness has this weird power to warp time ⏰ 🧙♀️ .
Sometimes the past 4 years that I’ve been ill seem very short, probably because not much has changed for me since I became ill, sort of like life has just paused.
Other times it feels like I’ve been ill for an eternity and I struggle to remember the days where I wasn’t. .
On the bad symptoms days (weeks or months!) I seem to forget all the better days I’ve had. It starts to feel like life has always been this way and always will be this way. It doesn’t just feel like a day in bed, it accumulates in my mind and feels like I’ve been laying there for 4 years. Even though I haven’t; I’ve had couch days, I’ve had days in other homes, I’ve even had some day trips in the midst of all these bed days. .
Oppositely though, but perhaps with the same mind tricks... when I have a better day, the bad just melts away. They disappear, and I feel light and free just for a little while.
Just like when I’m worse I forget the good, when I’m good I forget the bad. .
So here’s what I think recovery will be like;
When the good times really start, the bad will just disappear. It will melt away leaving behind just the knowledge and wisdom it taught. This whole emotional journey will be a faint memory like looking back at a somebody else’s past. The weight of those years will lift off my shoulders and the burden will no longer be there. 🌦💫🌷💕